Anyone who has only come to know me in the past few years wouldn’t know that I used to write a blog that was uplifting and hopeful. When these old writings pop up on my Facebook memories, I’m shocked. I think to myself, “I used to think that way? What’s happened to me?” And what’s happened to me is that in the last three years I have changed. I have lost faith in God, in religion, in my country and in humanity. I have lost optimism. And I have almost…almost…lost hope. But for chrissakes, finding hope in the dark moments is what I used to write about. It’s what my books are about.
I used to write a lot about what I call my “lily pad moments.” Lotus flowers only bloom from the deepest muck in the pond, the water beneath is dark and murky. Throughout my life, I’ve been able to navigate my way across those dark waters by hopping from one lily pad moment to the next. I consider a lily pad moment a tiny glimmer of hope, kindness or beauty; a friend reaches out, a stranger holds a door open for you and smiles, a baby is born, spontaneous fits of laughter (my favorite), new life flourishing after the rain, a crocus poking it’s head above the snowy ground…these small scenes of perfection that are there to heal us if we pay attention.
I’ve been paying way too much attention to everything that terrifies and enrages me, and because we are the story we tell ourselves, it has changed who I am. I want to tell myself a different story. Maybe it sounds ridiculous and pollyanna-ish, but I’m willing to try. So I’m stating this publicly. I’m going to write daily about my lily pad moments, and I hope you’ll share yours too. I may have days that I fail. I probably will. And then I’m going to forgive myself and get back on track. It may be pointless. Or it may begin to heal me and help me get back to wholeness.
Bad news is coming at us daily like a firehose to the face, and it is suffocating our spirits. I’m going to grasp these tiny moments like an oxygen mask and let it breathe life back into me. I’m going to use those lily pads as stepping stones to got across the dark waters that threaten to pull us under.
Thanks for reading. May your day be filled with lily pad moments.