My little one has recently gotten into watching old Charlie Brown movies, and as a result, “Good Grief” is his new catchphrase. It’s funny how you can hear a phrase over and over throughout the years, and then one day, it hits you in a different way. Good grief.
I’ve been feeling some grief lately. I’m feeling stirred up, ruffled. And in talking to my friend Amy yesterday, who is feeling the same, I realized….it is sometimes good to feel grief. To feel things deeply. To recognize what is driving me from the inside. This grief, this aching that woke me with nightmares last night, that made me bolt upright this morning sure that we were having an earthquake, that keeps churning in my gut, it is good. It’s good because it keeps me on my toes, keeps me alert, reminds me I’m human and alive. It reminds me to look within, to examine what is motivating me, what’s holding me back.
There were violent windstorms last night, trees thrashing themselves against the house, battering the windows, reflecting what I feel in my soul. Winter is clearing me out, sweeping every corner of unfinished business. It’s not letting me hide any more.
Grief is like a fire in your soul, purifying, transforming you. If you let it.
I told Amy sometimes I wish we didn’t feel things so deeply. It can be excruciating to be wide awake in your own life. But if we weren’t, what would we write about? What kind of artistic truth could we bring to the world? We would just numb ourselves out watching reality shows, thriving on other people’s drama.
Can you see me? I'm shaking my head in total agreement with your writing.
Good job, Hollye. Amen Sistah!
Karen Mulvaney :>)
I agree Hollye. I don't remember my dreams most nights but someone once told me that waking happy meant you resolved things and had good dream while waking anxious or teary means struggle. I try to judge my feelings in the morning and sometimes things come to me. I also often used to wish I was not a thinker and not a worrier which I think goes hand and hand. But them I would never be as creative or have so much positive energy around me. I have learned to really reduce my anxiety and I take great pills (non addictive) to help me sleep the whole night and it has changed my life after menopause. Wonderful writing. I am sure your were stirred up with the shooting being so close to you and Evan and not being aloud to pick him up but managed to get him anyway.:)