Everything You Done To Me

Written by Hollye Dexter


This morning I woke up remembering a powerful scene in the Color Purple where Whoopi Goldberg’s character Celie is finally escaping her abusive husband. As she is driving away, he comes chasing after her, raising his fist, but she simply puts her hand up to him, stopping him cold as she says, “Everything you done to me, you already done to yourself.”
And so it is.
If you are cruel to another person, you degrade your own spirit. If you are deceitful, you break trust with yourself. The fact is, everything you’ve ever done to someone else lives in you forever. I hope it’s kindness, love and compassion that you are doling out. If it isn’t, I feel very sorry for you.
Just the other day a friend reached out to me, saying someone had made her feel terrible, like a “third-class citizen.” And I told her that with every unkind word they said to her, every mean-spirited snub, they only diminished themselves, not her. People who are cruel are just broken people making others pay for their wounds. But you and I were made of the same stuff that makes the entire Universe. Literally. Whether you believe in God, a Higher Power, or science, this proves out. We were made by God, and no small, spiteful person can diminish what God has made. 
I was grateful to her for bringing that life-lesson to my attention. Little did I know I’d need the reminder just a few days later.
The injustice of life is that sometimes you can give your whole heart to something –give it the very best you have- and receive a kick in the teeth in return. This has just happened to me. Run-of-the-mill meanness is one thing, but betrayal leaves deep, devastating wounds, because it is a hurt that comes from people you loved and trusted.
I can’t control what others have done, but I always have a choice in how I react. I can either become stronger in love, or crumble in despair. I choose love. When people are cruel, I have learned to put myself in my protective pink love-bubble and remember the words of Glinda the good witch, “You have no power here!” 
For every cruel thing that was just done to me, I put my hand up and I deflect with love. It is on the doer, not me.
LOVE WINS, and no broken person will ever convince me otherwise.
And thank God for the love of my husband, family and friends. They help me patch up that pink love bubble when I am weak.  

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  1. Jenny in NYC

    LOVE always WINS.

  2. Anonymous

    Wise and beautiful post Hollye. I'm so sorry you're hurting.

  3. laurenne

    I love how you write everything out! Controlling your reactions is one thing and letting yourself feel and write helps heal too! You're on it, my friend!

  4. Lori

    Love this. love you. love DOES win if you CHOOSE it to.

  5. julie gardner

    I don't know the details of what happened to you, but as someone who has watched your TIRELESS efforts with gratitude and admiration, I am stunned.

    Wishing peace to your wounded heart soon.

  6. Unknown

    Love you! Love does win!

  7. Hollye Dexter

    This was a devastating and undeserved blow, but I will survive and find the rainbow in the clouds. Love you, Kylie.

  8. Hollye Dexter

    Thank you Julie.
    I lost faith in an organization I once believed in with all my heart. Hard to bounce back from but I know I will.

  9. Hollye Dexter

    Love you warrior mama. Carry on the good fight.

  10. Hollye Dexter

    You too Laurenne! xoxo
    miss you, beautiful girl.


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