I wish I was a tough broad – one who could say, and truly mean, I don’t give a rats ass what anyone thinks of me. But when you love someone, you hand them your porcelain china heart, and hope to God they will treat it with care. You hope they know better than to run it through the dishwasher, or to stack it carelessly, or to just plain let it slip from their hands.
My heart was broken this weekend, several times over. Shattered. It was a real mess – china shards everywhere. Couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. And I fell into darkness, again. This time it was so deep I couldn’t see even a pinpoint of light. I was hopeless, faithless. Dark.
My husband felt the same way, pacing the house in the middle of the night, wondering if we should just cash it all in, sell our house, move away, start a new life somewhere. But by daybreak, he was sitting peacefully meditating, centered, watching the sun come up with a smile. I envied him.
“It’s a new day,” he said, “everything is going to be okay.”
“I don’t believe that,” said Baby Jessica from the bottom of the well.
He put his arm around me, “Then I’ll believe it for both of us.”
That was miracle number one. Love.
As the sun came up yesterday, my girlfriends began to call….
“Hey, what’s going on with you. Haven’t heard from you- are you okay?”
And one by one, they tossed me the rope, pulling me a little further up to where, yes, I could see a tiny pinpoint of light. Amy, Cindy, Dani, Erin, Diane…each a messenger of hope, each telling me to stand strong, that I was worthy, I was good. Most importantly, that I was loved. Before I knew it, I was standing on solid ground with the sun on my face. Angels are everyday people who walk amongst us…I call them friends.
That was miracle number two – Kindness.
And then both my sister and my brother called, to talk to me about all the fun we’re going to have this weekend when they fly into town for Evan’s birthday, filling my heart, giving me something to truly look forward to, reminding me that I am not abandoned, I am not alone.
Miracle number three – Family.
My friend Amy had challenged me to make three miracles happen this week, and I thought I had failed the challenge miserably. Instead, something else happened – I didn’t create the miracles, they came to me. They showed up right when I needed them, and thank God I opened my eyes.
Everyday miracles are all around us. The kindness of a stranger, the phone call that comes at just the right time, the little bit of money that shows up when you need it…all the little things that keep our ship upright in the center of a storm. Keep your eyes open, my friends.
I’m sending you all great love today, wishing you endless miracles.
Beautiful…I need my own set of endless miracles today. I stand here with my arms open ready to receive ;-).
I am so sorry you are dealing with events that make your life seem hopeless even for one minute. I see a miracle that you have a loving partner and with that you can conquer anything. I have never had that in any of my relationships with my husband (now long ex) and all other long term relationships. I have settle so much with men but family and my women friends make my days so bright and sunny. I love your words Hollye and I have not ever met you. Fear not, I am a great problem solver and listener and nurturer so please don't hesitate to call me or come for a visit. I have a wonderful guestroom and a zen like home which will welcome you.
Hollye – thank you for placing miracles at our doorsteps. Your words are perfectly woven together so that they can be heard, understood and woven into our own lives. Bless and thank you for the courage to tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth… because girl… the truth really does set us free! With love and blessings….
you are so lovely that I know you will have a life full of miracles. Starting today – I will it for you!
How soon can I move in? : )
Yes, I have an amazing husband, and even that was hard won but we have weathered many storms together. With him at my side, I know I can make it through anything. He is a gem.
Mollllyyyyyy!!!! I never see you on the internet! Love seeing your comment, and thank you. Cant wait to "retreat" with you in the Poconos!
Oh, Hollye. So beautiful that you can find that pinpoint of light and pull it open to reveal the sun! It shines around you, my dear. It radiates off you and over us. Thanks for being so honest and brave. Thanks for finding optimism when it seems hopeless.
Hearts don't have to stay broken if the right glue is there. xo B
Anytime. Just email me.